Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Dr. Brené Brown, research professor who studies courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, takes a closer look at what happens when we all inevitably fall in her New York Times bestseller Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. 

A fall might look like a tough criticism that wounds us, a job promotion we didn’t receive, the loss of a relationship, an error in judgment, or any number of challenges. Brown places our falling and rising moments in slow motion and explores how the most resilient individuals and leaders get back up.

By weaving research, personal and business stories, and examples from books, songs, television, and movies, Brown provides a 3D view of human vulnerability. What do veterans share about war zones and leaders say about boardrooms? How do musicians describe heartbreak and poets pen inner struggle? It all matters to tell the most complete story. 

Brown frames the book around the art of storytelling and uses the concept of a hero’s journey to mirror her three-part rising strong process (reckon, rumble, and revolution). First, during the reckoning, we simply acknowledge our feelings and use our curiosity to uncover how they are affecting our thoughts and behaviors. Next, we rumble, and that’s where it gets messy. We reality-check our story and get honest with ourselves by confronting our “boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness” (78). Lastly, the revolution arrives and what we learned becomes part of our daily life. 

The rising strong process may take moments, weeks, or even years depending on the situation, but Brown provides tools to move us through the steps as honestly as possible. She offers helpful phrases to communicate clearly and respectfully with our loved ones and colleagues such as “The story I’m telling myself is…” and “I need to circle back.” She also pulls back the mask of some of the common ways we try to protect ourselves by avoiding our feelings such as with emotional stoicism, perfectionism, gold-plated grit, and comparative suffering. Brown reminds us that the cost of using these protections is steep because our behaviors and values become misaligned and we may unfairly offload our unchecked hurt to those around us. 

As always, Brown’s signature humor is included in the book which keeps it engaging and relatable. Her willingness to share her shame experiences and learnings opens the door for us to get honest with ourselves (and maybe even others) about our own falling and rising stories.

10 Insightful Quotes From Rising Strong

Acknowledging Our Emotions

“Being all light is as dangerous as being all dark, simply because denial of emotion is what feeds the dark” (68).

Awareness

“The most effective way to foster awareness is by writing down our stories” (85).

Becoming Ourselves

“One of the greatest challenges of becoming myself has been acknowledging that I'm not who I thought I was supposed to be or who I always pictured myself being” (235).

Boundaries

“The trick to staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries— blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking what I need and want” (119).

Curiosity

“Curiosity is an act of vulnerability and courage…We need to be brave enough to want to know more” (53).

Expectations

“...Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations the more significant the disappointment. The way to address this is to be upfront about our expectations by taking the time to reality-check what we're expecting and why. Expectations often coast along under our radar, making themselves known only after they have bombed something we had high hopes for into rubble. I call these stealth expectations” (139).

Integrity

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them” (123).

Shame & Perfectionism

“It's always helpful to remember that when perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun. Perfectionism is not healthy striving. It is not asking, How can I be my best self? Instead, it’s asking, What will people think?” (194).

Shame & Power

“I always say, ‘When we're in shame, we're not fit for human consumption. And we're especially dangerous around people over whom we have some power’” (196).

Spirituality

“Getting back on our feet does not require religion, theology, or doctrine. However, without exception, the concept of spirituality emerged from the data as a critical component of resilience and overcoming struggle” (10).