Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

If you want to grow in courage and foster connection over division, Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone is for you.

This is the third Brown book we’re diving into in just a year’s time because why stop when you’ve got a good thing going? The queen of courage touches hearts once again in this #1 New York Times bestseller, and I’m here for it.

The beauty of Brown is that she leans into curiosity and wrestles with the ideas that stop her. For this book, it was a quote from Maya Angelou about freedom and belonging that she initially disagreed with despite her deep love for Angelou’s work. This set Brown into motion to understand Angelou’s words and the paradox of having the courage to stand alone and the desire to belong to something.

She frames the book around the concept of the wilderness, a metaphor used throughout history to represent both times of trial and tranquility. Brown says, “Of all the calls to courage that I’ve asked readers to answer over the last decade, braving the wilderness is the hardest. It can hurt the most” (163).

The book breaks down her Theory of True Belonging into four elements related to moving in close, speaking truth civilly, coming together with strangers, and balancing courage and vulnerability. (Check out the book for her unique naming conventions. I’ve reworded them for simplicity.)

While these may be difficult to practice, she uses her research, signature colorful language, and personal stories to help us understand what braving the wilderness requires. The stories are so relatable that I experienced tears of joy and pain while making my way through this book.

Brown covers difficult territory by taking an honest, deeper look at the loneliness epidemic we find ourselves in and draws a connection to our increasing division. She explains her research shows we are in a spiritual crisis and we are, sometimes unintentionally, sorting ourselves into groups which ultimately leads to more loneliness.

So how do we move through conflict to forge connections? Brown provides practical tips on what to say during disagreements without dredging up the past and draws our attention to the roles pain and fear play in our anger and hate. 

When we grow in courage, things that once felt impossible are possible, and we become more aligned with ourselves. Brown continues to provide the language and tools we need to make this confusing journey of emotions easier to understand and helps us bridge the gap between where we are and where we can be as our bravest, most authentic selves.

The book is a quick read with only 163 pages and seven chapters. In just a few days, you will have gained valuable insight. Below are some of my favorite quotes, but grab the book for its full wisdom. 

10 Insightful Quotes from Braving the Wilderness

(Bolding in the quotes is my own except for the words “True Belonging”)

Belonging

“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are” (40).

Connection

“So if we love the idea of humankind but people in general are constantly on our nerves...how do we cultivate and grow our belief in inextricable human connection internally? The answer that emerged from my research shocked me. Show up for collective moments of joy and pain so we can actually bear witness to inextricable human connection” (120).

“...music emerged as one of the most powerful conveners of collective joy and pain. It’s often at the heart of spiritual gatherings, celebrations, funerals, and protest movements” (131). 

“Social media are great for developing communities, but for true belonging, real connection and real empathy require meeting real people in a real space in real time” (141).

Courage

“Courage is forged in pain, but not in all pain. Pain that is denied or ignored becomes fear or hate. Anger that is never transformed becomes resentment and bitterness” (69).

Difficult Conversations

“...one of the most courageous things to say in an uncomfortable conversation is “Tell me more” (83). 

Division

“We’re going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us. We’re going to have to sign up, join, and take a seat at the table” (37).

“The sorting we do to ourselves and to one another is, at best, unintentional and reflexive. At worst, it is stereotyping that dehumanizes. The paradox is that we all love the ready-made filing system, so handy when we want to quickly characterize people, but we resent it when we’re the ones getting filed away” (48).

“In the case of the United States, our three greatest fault lines—cracks that have grown and deepened due to willful neglect and a collective lack of courage—are race, gender, and class” (58).

Fear

“But if I had to identify one core variable that drives and magnifies our compulsion to sort ourselves into factions while at the same time cutting ourselves off from real connection with other people, my answer would be fear. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of the pain of disconnection. Fear of criticism and failure. Fear of conflict. Fear of not measuring up. Fear” (56).